I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
there is glitter all over my balls
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