Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize