So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
being pregnant is like rehab
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize