Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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