I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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