That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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