I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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