I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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