You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
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I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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