He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
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I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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