I just saw a hot homeless man
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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