I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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