come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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