He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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