This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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