so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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