I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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