so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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