I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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