Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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