I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize