At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
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Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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