I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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