If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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