you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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