You made me cry and you don't even care
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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