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Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
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