Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
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Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
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Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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