WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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