Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
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I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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