so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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