every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize