someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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