Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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