Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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