I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize