i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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