Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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