You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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