I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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