I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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