I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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