Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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