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Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Randomize
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