Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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