You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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