I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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