Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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