he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
God I need to hump something, right now.
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