He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
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i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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